Silence
by Alicia
Summary: What would happen to Deanna's sanity if her link to Will was suddenly severed?


# Silence

Basic Disclaimer: Paramount created Star Trek: TNG and all characters. I do not own any of this, I'm just borrowing it for the purpose of this story. 

Copyright November 1999 

Dedicated to my Grams for rekindling my love for Imzadi :o)

Author's Notes: Okay..I'm guilty. This is my 1st TNG fic. I just finished reading Trinagle: Imzadi II and had so many ideas. In fact, a second fic is in the making. 

Silence   
By Alicia 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Honestly, Deanna, I think I counsel you more than you counsel the rest of this ship," Dr. Beverly Crusher teased her best friend. She sipped her coffee and sighed, patting the young counselor on the arm. Deanna sighed knowingly but said nothing. She kept her eyes glued on the martini glass in front of her. "I'm not complaining, Dee. I'm really not. I know how Will makes you feel. I've been there," she continued, her expression thoughtful and her voice warm. 

"I just can't figure out why I let him get to me. No matter what I do or what I tell myself, he's in my head, my thoughts..my dreams," Deanna Troi replied, rubbing her temples in frustration. Beverly suppressed a laugh and leaned forward on her elbows. 

"Dee, have you ever considered that he's always in your head because of your psychic link?" she asked quietly. Deanna looked up and chuckled softly, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Ha! I knew you could still smile!" Beverly laughed triumphantly. She sat back in her chair and licked her lips. "Seriously though, think about it like this: if he's always on your mind, than what's to say that you're not always on _his_ mind?" Beverly pointed out. 

Deanna shrugged but said nothing despite the twinkle that appeared in her eyes. Then her back straightened and her eyes flashed. 

"Dee?" Beverly asked, noting the complete change in Deanna's posture. 

"He's here," she hissed, frantically combing her raven black hair with her fingers. 

"In Ten-Forward?" Beverly questioned, twisting in her chair to look. 

"No..he's outside the door," she whispered. Beverly looked over Deanna's left shoulder to see the door just as it was opening. Will Riker entered, looking as calm and self-assured as ever. He gazed around the crowded room, his eyes stopping momentarily on the Beverly and Deanna's table. He nodded at them before heading to the bar. He ordered a drink and sat down next to Samantha Frier, a young ensign with fire engine red hair and a great figure. Beverly looked over to Deanna to see her reaction to Will's company. But instead she saw Deanna's eyes close and an expression of serene concentration pass her face. Then Will spun around from his stool to look at her. Deanna opened her eyes and smiled at him, a gesture Beverly recognized at once. 

"What did you say to him?" Beverly asked as Will rose from the stool and began to make his way to their table. 

"I just made my presence clear..and asked him to join us," she admitted. 

"Is that wise of—" Beverly started. 

"Hello, ladies," Will greeted, looking directly at Deanna. "Mind if I sit?" 

"'Course not," Beverly smiled, pushing the chair that sat between her and Deanna a little closer to the counselor. Deanna shot her a warning look but replied, "if I didn't want you to sit, I wouldn't have invited you over." 

"True," he replied, pulling out the chair and sitting down. He set his glass down and turned to Deanna imploringly. "Frankly, I thought you'd still be upset with me over last night," he admitted, averting his eyes to her hands which were resting on the table top. 

"I was, but I can never stay mad at you for very long." She took a sip of her drink, holding the liquid in her mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. She looked at the clear liquid dancing in the glass before bringing her eyes back to Will. He was staring at her intently, his eyes boring holes into the very core of her soul. She shivered slightly under his scrutiny. 

"Um, I think I'm going to get back to Sickbay," Beverly said, noting the intense looks on both of her friends' faces. Deanna muttered something unintelligible and Will waved goodbye, neither really noticing that she was gone. 

"Deanna, I'm sorry. I really—" Will began. 

"—Will, I'm sorry, I—" she started at the same time. They shared an uncomfortable laugh and looked down. "I'm sorry," she continued. "I was wrong to expect you to confide in me," she said apologetically. 

"I wanted to confide in you. But it was _about_ you," he ruefully told her, shaking his head. "I don't know why I continually try to hide my feelings from an empath," he smiled, taking her hand across the table. 

"Our thoughts are one, Will. I always know what you're thinking," she joked. But Will was serious. 

"I know. And it scares me," he admitted. The counselor within was kicked into motion at his words. 

"Will, what exactly scares you?" she asked, her deep brown eyes meeting his baby blue ones. 

He sighed and released her hand, running it through his hair. *The way I feel about you,* he telepathically answered. 

_*We're friends, Will. That's all we CAN be,*_ she replied. 

_*I know. But I can't help it.* _

*Nor can I. But we must try, my Imzadi.* 

*For our working relationship?* 

*And for our sanity.* 

*I go insane with each day that I have to pretend that I feel nothing for you but friendship,* he protested, the voice inside Deanna's head sounding so sad and lonely that she was tempted to take him in her arms right then and there. 

_*If we give in to these feelings, we will put ourselves into a living hell.* _

*I'm already in Hell.* 

~*~ 

"So what happened last night after I left?" Beverly asked Deanna, who was in Sickbay for her regular checkup. Deanna sighed and shifted her head to one side as Beverly injected her with a sodium regulator. 

"Not too much. We apologized, he said he still loved me, I said I still loved him, we agreed to keep a working relationship.." Deanna said, almost enjoying the wide-eyed shock on Beverly's pretty face. Almost. "It was horrible. He sounded so sad, Bev. I don't like hurting him, especially when it's something that ends up hurting me too. But it wouldn't be smart to get a relationship going with him right now, right? I mean, we're commanders! There is no room for romance, is there?" she said, unaware of the smirk on Beverly's face as she rambled. 

"Deanna, it sounds to me that you're trying to convince yourself. Not me," Beverly observed, her hands on her hips. "So where is mister Will right now?" 

"On an away mission. He's trying to make peace with—" she began. She suddenly grabbed her head and screamed a terrified cry of pain. She slid off the biobed and onto the floor of Sickbay, clutching her head and rocking back and forth in pain. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes and she screamed again, overwhelmed by a wave of pain that crashed through her head. Unaware of Beverly frantically scanning her with a tricorder, she mumbled something incoherent, still rocking in pain. And then everything was black.. 

~*~ 

She woke up gradually, slightly confused about where she was. Beverly's concerned face crossed in her line of vision and she realized she was in Sickbay. And then everything came back to her all at once. 

"Oh gods," she said, starting to push herself up on her elbows. Beverly stopped her with a firm hand on each of her shoulders. She was slowly lowered back onto the biobed. 

"Don't get up. You need to rest," Beverly said, her voice gentle but firm. 

"Will.." Deanna insisted frantically. "I..I can't feel him! Oh gods, Beverly, why can't I feel him?" she cried, her hands moving to the collar of Beverly's coat. The counselor's eyes were wide and frightened and her face was even paler than usual. Beverly loosened Deanna's grasp on her coat and tried to soothe the woman. 

"Deanna, listen to me. Something's happened to Will. But you must listen to me and stay calm," Beverly said, her hands on Deanna's shoulders, holding her down. "His shuttle was attacked by a Klingon vessel. Ensign Sap was killed and Will is in a coma," she told her firmly. 

"Coma?" she repeated, dumbfounded. She turned her head to both sides, trying to locate Will. She finally found him, laying limp and broken on a biobed across the room from her own. "Please..please let me see him," she begged, her voice heartbreakingly low. "Please..please.." Beverly could see that she was getting delirious. Her temperature was rising and a layer of sweat was dripping from her forehead. Her eyes glazed over as she kept repeating the same request: "please let me see my Imzadi.." 

~*~ 

"Report," Captain Picard demanded, marching into Sickbay. Beverly met him halfway and together they marched to the biobeds where Deanna and Will lay side by side. 

"Will is as stable as he can be considering he's in a coma, but Deanna's another story. I've had to sedate her several times with the most powerful sedative I have. I've had to strap her down, because I feel she poses a threat to herself," Beverly said, scanning both Deanna and Will with a tricorder and giving the results to Picard. He sighed and rubbed the top of his bald head thoughtfully. 

"What is causing Deanna's condition?" 

"When I informed her of Will's condition, she became increasingly unstable and delirious. Her link to Will was severed and she was in severe distress." 

"And Will?" 

"When he was brought in, he'd lost a lot of blood and was bleeding internally in several places. I was able to stop the bleeding, but he lost a lot of blood. He also suffered major trauma to the sub-cerebral cortex. His motor skills may have been affected by the blow," she replied. 

The console by Deanna's bed started to beep, and Beverly hurried to the panel. "She's waking up," she said, inserting a hypospray in Deanna's neck. The counselor's eyelids fluttered open and her eyes flitted about the room from Beverly to Picard's faces. Then she turned her head to Will's bed and closed her eyes. After a few seconds she reopened her eyes and gazed down at the restraints, confused. 

"Beverly? What's going on?" 

"I had to sedate and restrain you, Dee. You got quite violent," she said, leaning to undo the restraints. 

"I..I did? I don't remember," she whispered. She sat up once the restraints had been removed. Groggily, she rubbed her forehead and once again looked around Sickbay, her eyes stopping on Will's pale, still form. "How is he?" she asked, shakily rising and walking to the biobed that Will was laying on. The cold, hard slab of metal. She ran her fingers over the base of it before turning questioningly to Beverly. 

"He's still in a coma," Beverly told her. She watched with tears welling up in her eyes as Deanna pulled up a stool and sat by Will's bedside. She took his hand in her own and kissed it and held it to her cheek. Beverly felt a tear roll down her cheek as Deanna began talking to Will in hushed murmurings. The only words Beverly could make out were: love, Imzadi, and please. 

~*~ 

"I'm ordering a leave of absence for Commander Troi. She's still mentally unstable and I wouldn't..." Deanna listened as Beverly talked to the captain. She wasn't 'mentally unstable'. Just really shaken by Will's injury. But at any rate, she was happy that she wouldn't have to go back to work. 

"Did you hear them, Will? I can stay here for awhile. I promise you that you'll get better. I swear. And I won't leave your side until you do. They can kick me out of here as much as they want to. But I'd like to see them try and keep me from you," she said in a whisper, as if confiding in him. 

Then something clicked inside of her. She finally took in the scene before her with new eyes. She was in Sickbay garb, standing over Will whispering promises to him. To his almost dead form. Sure, William Riker was there. But HE wasn't there. She couldn't hear his voice in her head, or feel his presence. Her mind was just a dark, black void. There was a hole in it that only he could fill. 

**He's gone.**

That phrase echoed through her head, dancing in her brain and sending waves of cold fear down her spine. 

**You can't live without him.**

She clamped her hands over her ears, trying to block out the ugly words that were ringing in them. **Your Imzadi is dead.**

"No!" she shrieked, plugging her ears and closing her eyes as tight as she could. 

"Deanna?" 

"No! He's not gone!" she shrieked again, her voice high and pained. "I don't care what you say, dammit! I love him!" she shouted, spinning on her heel to face an invisible demon. 

"Hold her down. I'll get the sedative," Beverly said to Picard. 

"Deanna, come here," Picard said soothingly, holding out his arms to the counselor. She eyed him suspiciously. 

"No. You don't like me. You want to take me away from Will," she accused through narrowed eyes. 

"That's not true, Deanna. I only want to help you. Come...let me help you. Please," he begged, taking a tentative step towards her. She stepped back, but said nothing. Beverly returned with the hypospray and looked between Captain Picard's outstretched arms and Deanna's tear-stained cheeks. 

"Deanna. Come here," Beverly said softly, taking a step towards her. Deanna panicked. Why were all these people trying to hurt her? What had she done to them? 

"Who are you?" she asked, suddenly looking like a lost child. "Please don't hurt me.." 

"I won't hurt you. Come here," Beverly calmly said, finally coming close enough to inject Deanna with the sedative. The young woman sagged and Beverly scooped her up in her arms and set her back on the biobed. "This is the third time in three hours," she sighed, pushing her orange hair behind her ears. 

"What outcomes are we looking at? Don't beat around the bush, please. Give me the truth." 

Beverly sighed and rubbed her temples. If Will makes it, I believe Deanna will come out of..whatever it is she's in. If he doesn't..she'll go insane." 

~*~ 

Every day, Beverly endured the same routine. Sedate Deanna. Fight away concerned friends of Deanna and Will. Even though she knew Deanna was mentally sick, the younger woman was giving Beverly the most amazing show of loyalty and love. Every time Beverly had to sedate her, it broke her heart. Every time she had to tell her that the love of her life was slipping closer to death with every passing day, it tore her in two. She was reminded of how it felt to lose her husband. The love of HER life. 

"Doctor?" 

Beverly turned around to see Data standing in the middle of Sickbay. "Data! What are you doing here?" 

"The Captain sent me for a report of the Commanders' conditions," he said. 

"Oh. Right. Here," she replied, handing him two PADDs. He scanned them quietly for a moment and then brushed past Beverly to Will's bedside. 

"Doctor. I believe he's waking up," Data observed, looking from Will to Beverly. A moniter started to beep and Beverly hurried to it. 

"He is! Data he's waking up!" she exclaimed, grabbing a hypospray and jamming it into his neck. As his eyelids began to flutter open, Beverly's heart soared with hope. He just might recover after all. She grabbed her tricorder and took his vitals. All normal. 

"Wha...what's going on?" he mumbled, struggling to sit up. 

"Will, you were injured during the away mission. You've been in a coma. Please stay still. I still don't know to what extent your sub-cerebral cortex was damaged." Will looked around Sickbay, still confused, a headache pounding in his ears. He didn't feel right. Something was definitely wrong..but not with him. 

"Deanna. Where is she?" he asked, something finally clicking. Silence. He could hear silence and that was it. He could feel her, but it was very faint. Like a whisper. 

"She's in solitary confinement. Right over there," Beverly said, pointing to Deanna's bed. Will sat up straight on the bed and swung his legs over the side, despite Beverly's protests. 

"I don't care about my condition, Beverly. I must see her. Please," he begged once he realized there was a force field erected around her. 

"I can't permit that just yet, Will. Please understand.." 

"Please, Beverly... I love her..." he said, his eyes filling up with tears and his throat constricting. Something in his voice made Beverly want to cry. A sadness so deep that neither space nor time could transcend. He knew something was going to happen. He knew she was going to die.. How, she didn't know. What she did know was that Will knew something. And that something was not good. 

After another minute of quiet deliberating, she agreed. She walked to the console and tapped on it several times. The blue force field dematerialized and Will stepped in. 

He stood beside her and silently took her hand. He reached out his hand and ran it against her pale skin tenderly. "Deanna?" he whispered. "Can you hear me? If you can, it's time to come home. Come on, Dee. Open your beautiful brown eyes for me..please." Will begged, a tear rolling down his cheek. He turned to Beverly. "What's wrong with her? Why is she in here?" 

"I'm not exactly sure. It seems to be a mental breakdown, but we both know Deanna better than that. I think when her link with you was severed so quickly, it played around with her mental waves that cause her to function so calmly and efficiently during a crisis. At least, that's the only explanation I can come up with." 

"Do you think that the link is restored?" 

"Possibly. Would you like me to wake her now or wait until the sedatives wear off?" 

"You're asking?" 

"Yes," Beverly replied, already knowing what Will's response would be. 

"Wake her." She was a step ahead of him. Hypospray already in hand, she approached Deanna's bed and injected the needle into the milky white skin of her neck. Will reached out and grabbed Deanna's hand again, kissing it softly, hopefully. The own pain in his head and limbs was forgotten as he waited for Deanna's eyes to open. He was finally rewarded with the fluttering of her eyelids. 

"Will?" came the whispered query. "Is that you?" her voice sounded tired and groggy, but hopeful. Her eyes were still closed but her hand squeezed his weakly. 

"Ssh. It's me. I'm here, Deanna. It's going to be alright," he promised, pushing her dark waves from her face. Her eyes finally opened and the first thing she saw was Will Riker's tear-stained face. 

"Why are you crying?" she asked, pushing herself up groggily from the biobed. 

"Many reasons, my darling. So many reasons.." he murmured, stroking her hair. She bit her lower lip, suddenly overwhelmed. He was here. He was alive.. She grabbed him in a hug, resting her head on his strong shoulders. He flinched in pain but hugged her back. 

"Gods, I thought I'd lost you," she murmured. 

"No chance in Hell. You're stuck with me," he whispered, his breath making her hair dance. She sniffled and whispered the words he wanted to hear more than anything else: "I love you." 

~*~ 

"Okay, so what exactly is going on between you and the counselor?" Geordi La Forge asked. He and Will were having nightcaps in Ten-Forward and the engineer was pumping him for information. 

"Geordi, you are the only one on this ship who doesn't know," Will laughed, taking a sip of his drink. 

"Know what?" 

"That Deanna and I have decided to go public," Will answered, not even bothering to conceal the huge grin that spread across his face. 

"Takes a near-death experience to get your butts in motion," Geordi laughed, patting Will on the back. 

"Geordi, my man, you have no idea!" 

"Here she comes now," he observed as the doors to Ten-Forward hissed open. Will hastily stood. 

"Excuse me. My Imzadi awaits." He excused himself and greeted Deanna with a smile. "Hello," he smiled, taking her arm. 

"Hey, Will." He escorted her to a table and pulled out a chair for her. "What's up?" 

"I just wanted to talk to you," he said. He was acutely aware of the flowery scent of her perfume, mixed with the smells of incense from her office. A distinctively Deanna smell. 

"About how this isn't a wise idea right? That we'll only end up hurting ourselves in the long run? Well, spare me the speech. I'm a big girl Will. I can handle—" 

"Deanna. Shut up!" he said, leaning across the table and silencing her with a kiss. "I love you." 

Deanna smiled sheepishly and blushed slightly. "I'm sorry. And I love you, too," she said. Will leaned across the table and kissed her again, deep and long, completely erasing any doubt from both their minds. 

_*This is right. I know it is*_ she transmitted telepathically. 

_*I've known all along, my Imzadi...* _

*We'll make this work* 

*Any doubts?* 

*None* she answered. 

_*Good*_

* ~ *   
* ~ *   
Finis   
* ~ *   
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Copyright Alicia Torres on all original story content, blah blah blah. Bottom line, don't steal my stuff :o) 

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